Author Archives: Ao Fujita

Don’t get my hopes up

Please

I thought you like me

I’m not gonna expect anything anymore

I decided not to expect

Don’t make me confused

But

I don’t wish you to be cold to me like before

I have to say thank you to you

Otherwise I will loose you again

Forever

I don’t want to

Now he’s nice to me isn’t he?

Just remember

He got me back to here

I must not forget it

I feel like I want to bake a brownie right now

Why he called me at that night

He was missing me?

No way

Is he still awake??

I want to talk to him but I can not

I moved out from his house today…

First I just went to supermarket and chemist and then I got everything what I need.

And I came back to the room and placed my stuffs in cabinet.

During doing that, I felt so lonely and I’m still missing him…

And I felt like tears came out.

I remembered I needed to call him at night

I was gonna call him around 8 pm or something but he called me 20 minutes ago.

I answered hello?

But my voice was small

And I couldn’t stop crying.

When he asked me Are you ok?

My tears came out. It didn’t stop

I tried let him not to listen to my noise which is I was crying but he noticed that.

And he apologized me because he knew I felt pressure from him.

But actually he didn’t mean to put too much pressure on me.

He also knew I still like him

Because I cried.

Because if I don’t like him and just having complaints about the room, I wouldn’t cry.

I cried because I like him.

He asked me if I could stay a few days or I wanted to come back.

I wanna come back but I said I could stay for a few days.

Tomorrow I need to talk to him again

I sent a message to the agent and told her that I really don’t want to stay here.

I wanna get back together with him..

You are happy now aren’t you?

Because I’m leaving from here tomorrow

Why you don’t show me happy face

It’s ok just show me that

I don’t mind

I know you are happy

You asked me How are you feeling

I said I have a little bit headache and stomachache but I think that’s because of my period.

And he asked me if I’m coughing or not.

Of course I said No.

And I asked him if he could pick me up after my job

He said Ok

I felt like he was worried about me but

I guess he wasn’t.

He just didn’t want to get sick by staying home with me

That’s all

But after dinner

He asked me how was my stomachache

And I said I’m ok

And he told me that he doesn’t feel he is sick but he feels something in his body.

What’s in your body Mark?

Explain me how are you feeling?

I don’t want you to get sick or cancer.

Please.

By the way why you looked angry today?

Or you were just tired?

I think you were just tired

Weren’t you?

Just remember

I’ve been changing myself.

I’m not like before

Anymore

Today is the last night that sleeping in here.

To be honest

I’m so sad

All those memories are nothing for you?

You are not supposed to even remember that or think of me

I often remember every single time witch we spent together

And now I’m so disappointed

Why this happened to us

Why I didn’t do that

Why I said that

Oh my god…

I really want to back to those days

I really want to change my self

I don’t expect anything

I can not say that I don’t want to leave from him

It’s just one sentence but I can not.

He said Do you loose weight?

I said Maybe

He said Why? You’re not eating?

I said I’m eating

And I went for blush my teeth in bathroom

Like escape

Of course I lost my weight that because of stress

I want to cry but tears are dried up already

I want to cook for him.

Seriously.

He said that

I was glad to hear that

I cooked some Japanese chicken

It’s soy sauce and vinegar taste

I was worried if he didn’t like it or not

When I served him I put 4 pieces of chicken legs on his plate and for myself was 3.

Because I had no idea how many pieces he wanted.

And then he cleaned his plate and he asked me if we had any chicken left

And I said Yes we do.

And he took 2 more pieces.

I was happy

When we finished dinner he told me that Thank you that was nice.

Oh my goodness I’m so happy

Why I didn’t make it before we broke up……

Probably he felt the same as me.

Oh my god..

I feel like I want to cook for him more

I have no time

It can’t be impossible

Oh my god…..

I want to cook Japanese curry next time

Maybe tomorrow

I went to Japanese cafe in this afternoon

I wanna tell him about it but it’s getting difficult to talk to him recently

You know why?

Because he’s not interested in me anymore

Where I go

What I do

That’s so sad for me

I wanna talk to him like before

Just like friends

Am I willful?

The reason why I went to the cafe is because I have to make myself feel happy

I need to do that when I’m free

Otherwise I will not be able to change myself

I wish I could change right now

But I have to take time

Day by day

Why you asked me if I wanted to eat scrambled eggs?

Usually you don’t ask me anything do you?

I didn’t even know if you asked me or not.

It’s the last night to sleep in your house

After my job, I have to pack up my clothes and wash my clothes.

Would you delete all photos of me?

I can not do that

Are you happy?

Were you happy??

I was so happy to be with you

I couldn’t even tell you that

If I had told you more thank you, we could have changed our future

What could been love?

I’m always thinking about the mean.

You don’t want me to feel like you don’t want to be alone with me.

That’s why you said

Sorry We just had left overs.

I didn’t cook

I thought you didn’t want to eat with me

In these days I’m a bit afraid of you because you look you hate me

Be patient please

I know it

Are you happy? If I move out on this Sunday?

You look happy

That means you will never miss me

I will miss you

Definitely

Every night Every day

There are full of memories of you in this city

2 days left

I found a room

I told him when I’m gonna move out

I said that can you help me on Sunday?

And he said maybe

What maybe??

And then I was like

What maybe?? You should help me

But I didn’t say what I need him to do

I guess he knows

Also I called my boss because I have to quit the current job

I’m so stressed about my trainer

I can’t continue to work with her

And I must go away from him

He needs to get some ingredients from the shop

Just let him be

I’m gonna work at chocolate shop in the market

3 days left

Actually I love you Mark more than anybody

But I wouldn’t see you anymore

I’ve bought a Toishi from Japan which you wanted to.

When it comes to your house, just use it well

And also I’m gonna get a guitar for little sweet boy

For his birthday

Let him to practice when he gets older

I love you but I know you didn’t love me

That’s alright

I just want you to watch over from afar

That’s all

That’s not fair

I’m gonna be lonely but you gonna be happy

Nothing is fair for me

Why men always hurt me…?

That’s not fair

I know my fault

Why you are happy?

He is not gonna even miss me

I have to change my job

Not to see him

Anymore

Probably he hopes so

I’m so sad but he is happy

He doesn’t even think of me

So sad

I have to disappear from him.

I know I have to leave

I don’t want to bother you anymore

You know I’ve been regretting about what I said to you or what I did to you.

I always bothered you

I’m so sorry.

I shouldn’t have done that or said

I know you’re not comfortable.

I know it but please don’t put me too much pressure…..

I’ve already understood your feeling.

I feel so sorry for you

When you ask me about moving out.

I’ve been looking for a room but I’ve not found any.

Also I need to have an inspection but we are having Lockdown.

It’s impossible to get a room right now.

Please understand me….

I know you want me to move out as soon as possible

But please understand me

Don’t put pressure on me anymore.

Back to the time I was dating with you

I was so happy

I felt like it was my first love

It wasn’t actually

But I felt like that

I don’t know how you felt

But I did

I want to come back to those days

If it’s possible

Why I cannot come back to the time when we were dating